The Secret to Happiness

Happiness is a funny thing. It is often fleeting. It is sometimes exists quietly and goes unnoticed. And it almost always seems just out of reach. But a large portion of the human population would say that it is the goal they are most trying to achieve in their lives. And I think I figured out the key to getting it. For the bargain price of $1,999.99 I will share it with you! HA. Juuuust kidding.

Let me clarify this quickly and from the beginning – I’m not claiming to know the secret to happiness for everyone on earth, especially as we all are dealing with different situations and struggles. But I do know my own secret to happiness and know that many others feel similarly. The point of sharing it is not to assume that my key will work in your life’s lock. My hope is simply to help you think about things a little differently.

Ok, now that I have satisfactorily prefaced this conversation, I can move on to the point of writing this, which is to discuss how I grab happiness the best way I know how. And I won’t bury the lead – the answer is really and truly simple:

Gratitude.

Gratitude is the most important part of my happiness. When I’m feeling down or throwing myself a pity-party, it is the first thing I grasp at to make myself feel better. And this is why:

Nothing is ever perfect. No one’s life is ever exactly how he or she wants it to be. Hell, even the goddess that is Beyoncé has stuff she wishes were different. And granted, some people’s lives are much harder than others. For them, seeking gratitude as a source of happiness will be even more difficult. But it is a universal truth that things can always be better – whether it’s a little bit better or a lot better, there’s constantly room for improvement. But here is where gratitude is so important: there’s almost always something to be thankful for, too.

When I am stuck in a place of negativity and sadness, I tend to get into a vicious mind-set where each negative thought feeds the next. A few years ago it may have sounded something like “I am so fat. Ugh. No guy will ever find me attractive. So I’ll be single forever. No marriage. No kids. I’m definitely gonna die alone surrounded by cats.” That escalated quickly, didn’t it? And yes, I’m writing this from the comfort of a long term relationship, but nothing magically helped me with my body issues. That came with developing a sense of gratitude at what my body does for me, not because I suddenly looked like a Victoria’s Secret model.

This isn’t to say I don’t still get into these negativity spirals, because I am human and of course I do. But now, I try to direct my thoughts to the many things that are great in my life. Bad: “I am overweight, ugh.” Good: “I am healthy and whole and my body allows me to do all the things I love.” Bad: “I’m 32 and most of my friends are married/having children and I’m not.” (Comparison is the greatest thief of joy – and the easiest way to enter a depression spiral, in my opinion.) Good: “I found someone I want those things with, and that’s the hardest part!” I have even found gratitude in all the terribleness that is my mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis. The silver lining is everything. When you take those silver linings, the wins, the things to be thankful for, you take the power out of the negativity.

And when the negativity is decommissioned, the happiness can get in. After all, happiness is a choice – a choice to look at your life in a positive way, a choice to see situations in the best possible light, a choice to believe that good things are going to happen. And of course if you just lost someone close to you or are dealing with a divorce or hellacious physical or financial problems, that’s a lot easier said than done.

Gratitude isn’t a magic cure to fix depression or real pain. But for the many times as humans we feel like our lives are not good enough, that we’re not good enough, for the times we’re waiting for a magic button to be pressed to finally shower us in happiness – it is a magnificent start. It is the beginning of choosing happy. Because if you look hard enough, there is always something be grateful for. Find it. Embrace it. And the happy shouldn’t be too far away.

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I’d love to hear how you channel happiness. Leave a comment below and let me know what works best to get you to your happy place!